- It’s not just what is said that is important, it’s what’s not said that derails relationships. Say what’s on your mind. People aren’t mind readers.
- Before you walk a mile in my shoes, you need to take off yours first. Everyone see things through different lenses. We all came from different backgrounds. Our “rules” are based on what we learned from our parents, teachers, coaches, ministers, family and friends. How is your “rule book”, your should’s, should not’s and ego getting in the way of getting along with others?
- Perception is not reality. The fact is my perception is your reality and your perception is my reality. As humans we are wired to be bias. Weather it is implicit or unconscious bias, we jump to conclusions, assumptions and make snap judgments. Take the time to understand and get to know others. Every life has a story if we only bother to look.
- Understand other first, before having them understand you. If you want to get along, build rapport, relationships and connect with others you need to communicate in the ingredients that others find as important and not just what you find as important. The old saying, treat people the way you want to be treated is not true. The key is to treat people the way they want to be treated.
- Assume you’re wrong. Before blaming others take a good look at yourself in the mirror. For example, let’s say a colleague has let you down by not delivering something she promised you by a specific date. Before blaming her, ask yourself, “What is it I don’t want to be responsible or accountable for right now?” Maybe my directions were not clear or I didn’t check in on a periodic basis to make sure everything there were no problems.
- Eliminate communication crushers. Here are some of the most common annoying traits, behaviors and communication elements that hinder rapport, relationships, connections and getting along; no appreciation, sarcasm, indifference, bullying, contempt, harassment, lack of empathy, negativity, indifference, condescending, dominating conversations, demeaning, narcissism, negative body language, hurtful words and language, difficult personality, not responding to phone calls or e-mail, yelling and backstabbing. 90% of eliminating these crushers is being aware you have them.
- Choose your battles wisely. Surely, there will be times in your life when it is important to fight for things you believe in. The problem is many people spend their lives fighting over relatively unimportant things that come up on a daily basis. This not only causes stress and tension it also alienates people around you. Take a look at the big picture ... Is it really that important?
- SOFTEN your image to make yourself more approachable, likeable and trustworthy. People make up their minds about you instantly. To create a positive impression you need to be aware of the messages your body language is displaying. Follow the SOFTEN formula; Smile, Be Open (arms), Forward Lean/Focus, Territory (distance to be away from someone), Eye Contact, Nodding to show you are paying attention
- Avoid the misunderstandings the destroy relationships. Assume the next message you send will be misunderstood. One of the keys to reducing misunderstandings is to paraphrase what has been said. In others words, after you give directions or receive directions, you might say, “I just want to make sure I understand what you want, you said …….”
- Watch your language and talk to others in a nice way. Words can hurt. Look inward before lashing outward and be sure to taste your words before spitting them out. People get more upset about how you say something (words, language and tone) then by your viewpoint, attitude or opinion. Be careful about such words and language such as; whatever, it is what it is, accusing someone, slang and profanity, sarcasm, labels, making threats, and vs. but, talking about sex, politics and religion or using words such as no problem and big words or acronyms that no one understands
Arnold Sanow, MBA, CSP works with leaders and teams to improve their ability to get along better with customers, co-workers, colleagues, employees or stakeholders by improving communication, everyday interactions and rapport, relationship and connection building skills. He is the author of 6 books to include, “Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere” and “Present with Power, Punch and Pizzazz.” He has delivered over 2,500 professional development programs, coached leaders and team members and is a former adjunct professor at Georgetown University. He was recently named as one of the top 5 best “bang for the buck” speakers in the USA and was rated by his peers as one of the top 30 global gurus in communication. www.arnoldsanow.com – www.speakingcoach.com - speaker@arnoldsanow.com - 703-255-3133
