Ever heard someone say “Tell me the honest truth..” or maybe cringe because a friend is “brutally honest”? Then there are many descriptions that leave the word “truth” out in favor of being: blunt, candid, open, straight-to-the point, outspoken, upfront or direct. Telling it “as it is.”
Check in with yourself. If reading that made you feel contracted, it’s no wonder why! Every single one of the adjectives or substitutes for truth is negative. We need to take a look at the very subtle but all pervasive shift our society has made to connecting truth and truth telling with pain, hurt and anxiety. In ancient times, truth and sources of truth were revered.
Secondly, we should also take a look at the gender differences that list of truth synonyms evokes. Imagine a man: mid 40’s, business suit, foreign luxury car and he is known as straight-to-the point, tells it as it is and is often brutally honest. Same scenario, but make the actor female. Poof! We get a Devil Wears Prada, cold matriarch image that repels while behaving unnaturally. The male, however, is seen as powerful and efficient.
There is an association and blatant pairing of truth with masculinity, aggression and rational pursuits. Men are not encouraged in their relationships to tell women the truth but rather “what they want to hear.” This is invariably some romanticized and sanitized version. Why?
Society directs that women be associated with softening, nurturing, absorbing and generally buffering against pain- here the pain of the “cold, hard truth.” Why is it important that we notice these prevalent stereotypes for truth? Because when we fail to notice them, we fall into two predictable patterns: A-Telling the truth in an aggressive, blunt way or B-Avoiding sharing the truth when we want to be “loving”.
Telling the truth can be done with love and truth should be shared if you really intend to be loving.
The best way to get someone to hear the truth is to send the message within the energy of love. “The truth. You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth…” Infamous movie quote delivered by Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men. If you deliver truth — as facts that reflect what is- from any place other than love, it is delivered from ego. What does that mean? It means you are using the truth as your own personal tool to feel smarter, more powerful, more spiritually advanced and generally ‘better than’.
You have probably heard that a synonym for love includes “truth.” They are interchangeable. Thus, when we speak truth without love we are not really speaking the whole truth. We cannot be. Further, no one will hear it!
If you tell anyone the truth in an argument, they usually cannot hear you. The context of your truth is negative energy, raised voices and hurt. Not love. They don’t hear what you need them to hear because they are in the process of defending themselves —which keeps all things out!
Worse, we have accustomed ourselves to only sharing truth when we are angry, under pressure or forced to. All negative contexts. It is really no wonder people avoid seeking the truth given its packaging is so consistently unpleasant.
We have been programmed to believe the “truth is a bitter pill to swallow.” What happens after a woman sits a man down because they “need to talk”? She delivers the painful truth he doesn’t want to hear. If you are female, be aware of the programming that says you don’t want to hear the truth. Correct it by telling others that you welcome the truth lovingly given and demonstrate it by not punishing truth sharers. If you are male, be aware of the habit of delivering the truth as quickly as possible. The hurry comes from the fear of hurting, but the speed itself prevents consciousness in delivery. Correct it by becoming aware of your posture, tone and pace to lessen triggering defensive emotions.
Getting good at hearing, sharing and seeing the formerly “unwelcome” truth will change your whole life. Truth as love is the highest vibration you can align with.
Part 2- Why the Truth Really Sets You Free- it’s a detachment tool! Next month how to hear and see the truth.
