Welcome to fundamental 3 of 10 that I’m excited to share with you as we all journey through our own experiences and lives. This fundamental includes GRIEF / GRIEVING / SURRENDER and RELEASE. One does not go without the other. Now I know what you’re thinking…grieving doesn’t sound like any fun at all. And you’re right, but I can promise you if you surrender, grieve and let out your emotions regarding your experience; you will begin to find peace again. And you’ll also begin to find yourself, your purpose, your likes and even dislikes. You’ll begin to find some relief, hopefully some fun, and you’ll start to see and understand how releasing your emotions and grieving will indeed help you move through the dark moments of pain that seem to have a grip on you. And, yes, you’ll also find and see light again — truly, you will! It takes time, so be patient with yourself and the process.
Now I know letting out one’s emotions isn’t an easy task for some, if not most people. After all, we live in a world that doesn’t necessarily support grieving, or admitting our feelings out loud, especially when those feelings aren’t the “feel good” ones. But as we all start to “wake up” to our true selves, the belief of being strong, making grief quick and getting back to normal as soon as possible (like being over our experience and grief in a few days or weeks with a six month maximum deadline!), is being booted out the door for good! Thank God for that! We are realizing that the world needs more love, compassion and honesty. And what better way to bring this then to surrender and allow ourselves to “feel” – really feel what’s going on inside of us. This goes for emotions from any life experience. As we feel, process and let out each emotion, we will heal and we will be able to continue forward as best as we can.
I’d like to share a few important thoughts about grieving. There’s no “one-size-fits-all” grieving process. We are all different in so many ways. We all look different, act different, like different things, and we respond differently to different situations. So who in their right mind can decide how another person should feel, or grieve, and for how long?? I have to admit, getting your grief up and out and done lickity-split sounds fantastic (and for those that can actually do it this way, that’s great!), but let’s be real here…. “in a large majority of the cases, it’s not happening.” What I mean by this is, if you don’t take the necessary time “for you” to heal, you won’t. If you follow the timeline of what someone else did, because that worked for them, or you follow the steps of how they did it and the emotions they let out, you’ll be doing yourself a disservice. Again we are all different. It doesn’t matter what others have or haven’t done. I know this is very scary to do, but please go deep within yourself and “feel.” Dark moments of relief, which don’t feel good at the time, will indeed bring light to you, your situation and your life. Remember my one newsletter, dark doesn’t exist without light and light doesn’t exist without dark. It’s true — when there is dark, there will also be light again. So have at it. Let those feelings rip. Bring ‘er on out! Cry, scream, run like Forrest in Forrest Gump!!! Do what ya gotta do to get it out! Because guess what?! You cannot heal until you are real with yourself and your feelings. You cannot heal until you take the lid off your emotions and pour them on out in absolutely any way that they want to reveal themselves. And yes I’m talking, deep down dirty release of it all. Screaming, yelling, crying, laughing, getting raw with yourself and your feelings. The bottom line is – You cannot heal until you feel. That’s the truth. That’s fact and that’ll never change.
Let’s talk about this from a different angle now — denial. I’d like to ask you a few questions. Do you find yourself burying your emotions? Do you pretend like they don’t exist? Do you hold it all in? Do you act like all is good as if nothing happened? Do you brainwash yourself into believing that it’s best if you ignore what’s going on inside of you because it’s too painful to face, or because it tests your limits or comfort zone of “feelings,” or it makes you “go deep” within yourself which isn’t something you’re used to doing? Do you really think it will go away if you never address your emotions head on? I don’t mean to be the bear of bad news, but denial doesn’t get a person anywhere except further back. It gets you into more heartache, turmoil, health issues, and more unhappiness. It also puts you in a place of disrespecting yourself and everything about you. Your feelings, your very real emotions and those moments that make you feel like hiding under your covers forever, will indeed come out whether you allow them or not. They’ll come out alright, but in an even bigger, meaner, more awful, uglier way then they would’ve been if you addressed them from the get go. So please take my word for it, save yourself some time, some unnecessary additional pain and let your emotions pour out. I promise that through the ugliness of letting out each emotion that surfaces (when they decide to surface), you will indeed find relief, you will also find peace, comfort and purpose again. It takes time and it could be a life time for some. But if you do the work for yourself; if you are honest with yourself about your feelings; if you give yourself permission to just “be” in whatever comes up; and most importantly, if you move through it all when it feels right to you, I promise you’ll be happier, you’ll live a life feeling better and you’ll make the best of your situation even if there is a void. I’m not trying to say things will be the same. Of course they won’t — you lost someone you love with all your heart (or you feel pain from other life experiences). I’m saying that as you grieve, let out your feelings, process them and move through them, you’ll find a new normal for you. Life may be a bit different now, but you’ll begin to adjust and you’ll eventually see the beauty that still exists all around you. Beauty in a different way. Be open to seeing this through your healing eyes and heart. And always remember, you may grieve at different times about different things and in different ways. It’s alright. Go with it. Do not deny yourself the healing you deserve and want and need. For as beautiful as my connection is with my sister, for the wonderful gifts and blessings I’ve received from her since she left, I still find myself grieving her at different times and this is 25 years later. I don’t question it; I go with it; I let it out; I process it and I continue forward. It’s going to happen because you will always miss them. It’s a matter of you choosing to live your life to the best. It’s a matter of you choosing to continue forward versus getting stuck in a state of grief or loss. You have a choice. What do you think your loved one would want you to do?
So with that, I leave you with a summary of tips and exercises to help you through your grieving state. I’m sending you beautiful blessings, hugs and energy to help you through your situation. Remember you cannot heal until you feel. Time doesn’t heal anything if you don’t allow yourself the “release” of what’s inside. Keep it in and it only gets bigger; let it out and you’ll be able to begin to breathe, see light and live life again. God bless you all today and everyday of your lives.
Tips and Exercises(s):
1. Be honest with yourself and others about your feelings. Face each emotion; feel and express each emotion by letting it out; process each emotion as they surface and work to release each one when you are ready to do so. The key is to “let it out;” find an outlet for your emotions so you can shift and move that energy for the good for yourself.
- If you’re sad, cry. If you can’t cry, find a sad movie that gets those tears rolling;
- If you are angry, go for a run; go for a drive and scream at the top of your lungs; hit a punching bag. Do what you can to let out the anger;
- If you are feeling guilty, for whatever reason, talk it out with someone (even write your loved one a letter about it).
- No matter what emotion you feel, if you aren’t able to let it out by following the above, at least talk to someone about how you feel, or write about it in your journal. Talking and writing are great forms of release.
2. No matter the situation, it is important to realize and understand that everything does happen for a reason and is part of a bigger plan (that we aren’t yet able to see). Every experience helps you to grow as individuals and it does also prepare you for what’s coming next in your life.
3. Allow the following questions to sink in. Sometimes its questions like these that trigger your strength or give you that jump-start to move forward:
- What do you think your loved one would want you to do right now?
- Would your loved one want you to give up on yourself and your life?
- Would your loved one want to see you depressed with no will to live?
- Would your loved one want to see you so angry at God?
- On the reverse, what would you want your loved one to do if it was you who was gone and your loved one still here on earth?
4. Allow your emotions to pour when they are ready to, including on those special days in the future. Process them and let them out at that time. You never know when an emotion will surface; be in it and allow it to be released.
5. There is no right or wrong way in which to grieve. And there certainly isn’t a timeframe on when you should be done grieving. Just always make sure you aren’t getting stuck in grief; work on yourself and help yourself to continue forward.
