“Don't break your promise to the wife you married when you were young. ‘I hate divorce,' says the Lord God of Israel.” Malachi 2:15(NIRV) There is a difference between a great marriage and a working marriage arrangement. A great spouse that is dependable, loyal, has ability, has a positive mental attitude, is willing to go the extra mile and applies faith is a virtuous person. All six must be present in the choosing of a spouse for a harmonious great marriage to exist. Great marriages are the byproducts of great people as they cooperate with each other, being faithful in their agreements. Your marriage is an agreement about who you will be to your spouse and who they will be to you. When two people decide that they want to be married they are agreeing to certain terms and conditions within the marriage. The problem that many people face is that they have not become the person capable of fulfilling that agreement or they just choose not to for selfish reasons. What many marriages face are broken agreements. A broken agreement exists whenever you fail to tell the other party that you’ve changed your mind about who you are or who you have become. If your spouse is still under the impression that the original agreement is still in place because of your lack of being honest with them, you are being unfaithful. Unfaithfulness is being false to duty, obligations, or promises, by which we break our agreements. We can solve broken marital agreements by confessing that we are no longer who we had originally agreed to be in the relationship. When you change your mind about who you will be or what you will do in a marital relationship, you create a new reality for yourself. To validate this new reality of yourself, you must communicate it to your spouse so that a new agreement can be discussed and formed. “You have broken your promise to her. You did it even though she's your partner. You promised to stay married to her. And the Lord was a witness to it.” Malachi 2:14 (NIRV) One night as I was cleaning out the guest room of my house, I found a VHS copy of my first marriage, and I began watching it. During the ceremony, it came to the point where she and I exchanged our marital agreements. Here is a synopsis of what was said. “I, (name), take you, (name), to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), my constant friend, my faithful partner, and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family, and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.” These are the vows that I made when I got married. I stood before my Pastor, my wife to be, and God and made these vows. The problem was that even though I agreed to these vows, I did not own enough of myself to follow through with them and be faithful to the marital agreements. To do these things it takes a man or woman who has become that person capable and willing to do them. In order for you to become the person you want to become you must have the specific knowledge, skills, tools, a definite plan, a strong desire and persistence that is associated and aligned to that in which you want to become. The knowledge [the know how], the skills/tools and definite plan [the ability to], and the strong desire and persistence [the want], must be developed in your private life prior to you declaring what it is you want to do in your public life. If my objective is to love [the doing part], I must first become loving. Having the specific knowledge of love, the skills/ tools and definite plan to love and a strong desire along with persistence to want to love allows me to be loving. I become that which I am. I am now capable and willing to love because of who I have become. You have to ask yourself the question: Am I capable and willing to follow through with these agreements? Have I been developed in my private life and have I addressed those unhealthy habits and behaviors that will allow me to sign on the dotted line? There will be times in a marriage when agreements have to be revised. Revising agreements is not the problem; it is when the other person is not informed that an agreement has been broken and it needs revision that there's a problem. People do not typically fall out of love; they choose to stop loving. When the marital relationship stops working it is because someone or both people have broken their agreement. This is why it is so hard to regain trust when an agreement has been broken without notice it has been broken from the person who broke it. A marriage agreement that has been broken will only be rectified once it is cleaned up with the truth. So many people claim they are this particular person who will do this or that particular thing when they get married, but these are just empty words. Many people are in love with the idea of marriage, not the sacrifice that comes with it to make it work. Are you mature enough or do you own enough of yourself to make such an agreement? Many married couples have signed on the dotted line but do not want to be held accountable to their agreed duties, obligations, and promises. So, as a single man or woman, before you sign on the dotted line please understand by doing so you are agreeing that you have become someone in your private life, willing and able to do something with your future spouse (refer back to the marital vows), to have and experience a successful marriage. Don’t say I do to something you won’t do! If you have broken an agreement, the way to amend the broken agreement is to accept responsibility, show empathy, and agree with God. “People who conceal their sins will not prosper. But if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.” Proverbs 28:13(NLT) It seems to be human nature to not want to admit or resist being responsible for our wrongdoings. In a marital relationship, if you have not been the person you agreed to be you must admit you are wrong and change your plans and actions. The first step that leads to forgiveness and reconciliation is confession and repentance. 1. Accept responsibility. The first step in mending a broken agreement is to accept responsibility for your actions and take the necessary steps to make things right. Have you apologized for your ill-advised behavior? 2. Show empathy. Do you regret what you did or did not do to break the agreement? Are you truly apologetic? Or are you just mad because you were caught? Showing that you are truly apologetic for what was done shows remorse. 3. Confessing to God. What does God’s word say about your behavior? Have you asked God for forgiveness for breaking agreements with Him? “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.” 1 John 1:9 (NLT) As we approach God with a humble spirit and acknowledge our sins, He is just to forgive us of our sins.