Sometimes the best successes come in small packages

Some wonderful stories of phenomenal success in this book are about business success while others are about personal successes. My chapter is about the extraordinary success I had with the single most important person in my life–my son.

To my shock and horror, in the third grade, my 9 year old son Jack was bullied to the point of physical violence. At the same time, he was diagnosed with Dyslexia, a learning disability which prevented him from reading at grade level. His self-esteem was at an all-time low. While it was comforting to know why he was struggling to read, for Jack it was only further validation he was a loser. The bullies at school had made him feel powerless and small. Even worse, his Dyslexia made him feel stupid and it broke my heart every time I heard him describe himself in this way.

I knew I had to do something to get his self-esteem back. The question was what. It had to be something he could do himself and result in a success.

As a marketing professional of more than 25 years I decided to focus my talents for selling other people’s products on my son. I set about selling Jack self-esteem. The first method in my self-esteem campaign for Jack was to help him start a business. I was amazed with the results and realized I was dusting off and teaching Jack the same millionaire mindset my parents had taught me: Outlook, Attitude, Skills, and Action.

I redefined the mindset into six millionaire skills I needed to teach him: Dream It, Believe It, Love It, Work It, Own It, and Give It. While I worked on reviving his self-esteem I determined I would teach him real-world skills which would set him up for life. It all began with the business.

It took a few clever Mom tricks, but I soon convinced him to give this business thing a try. The first thing we did was take a page out of the Loral Langemeier handbook.  We looked at the business options available to him, discussed their viability as cash machines, and analyzed their potential for cash flow.  Right now you’re probably thinking, “Lady, you wanted your kid to think about a cash flow? Isn’t that a bit much?”

No, it is not; cash flow is a critical piece to the success of any business. Remember, I was working on setting Jack up to succeed–not for a day–but for a lifetime. I knew if I was teaching Jack life skills, I had to abandon the notion he was too young to understand things like cash flow and other business concepts. I was not teaching him how to do a job … I was teaching him how to run a business.

We went through all the options and charted them.

The evaluation process made it easy for Jack to identify which service would be his cash machine and which services could provide ancillary streams of income.

His direction was clear and in June he launched Jack’s Garbage Valet and was transformed into a 10 year old entrepreneur. Jack would offer to take his neighbors’ garbage cans in and out each week for $5 a month. He was taking his first baby steps to learning the Dream It millionaire skill.

While we worked on the tools he would need to build the business like flyers and sales pitches, we studied the five basic business concepts he needed to learn:

·         Marketing and Sales

·         Accounting

·         Execution

·         Customer Service

·         Follow-up

These concepts were easy to teach in the context of his garbage valet business and I found if I tied them back to something familiar he caught on very quickly.

As he started to build his business, the Believe It skill came into play and I exploited every single teach moment as it appeared. Teaching moments like how to handle rejection, how to talk to an adult, the importance of eye contact, and how to properly execute a handshake came up every day we were out selling his business. As a result, he learned to have a thicker skin and be more assertive; and slowly I could see the fear of bullies start to take a back seat to his confidence.  The more we worked at the business, the more it became a real enterprise and the more his belief in himself grew. We did a lot of work with goal setting and positive affirmations to further grow his confidence and self-esteem. 

It was not long before he was collecting money.  I’ll leave it to you to imagine the utter thrill it was for him. Jack quickly began to see the benefit of what he was doing. He also was fortunate to have a couple of customers who really needed his service. One of his customers had suffered a back injury and it was very hard for her to take her garbage cans in and out.  Jack was really helping her and she made sure he knew it. His business was rewarding him with more than money–his customers were rewarding him with gratitude.  It was a powerful feeling and another boost to his self-esteem. He was learning the Love It skill.

At first the business was a novelty, but it didn’t take long before it became work. The rewards became increasingly valuable and he quickly learned to under promise and over deliver.  He started doing ancillary services for his customers like taking their mail in when they were on vacations, doing small yard projects, and pet sitting. It was fun to watch him learn to Work It.

The hardest skill to teach was Own It. Not hard because it was difficult, but hard to observe. Like any parent, I long to protect Jack from any hurt or disappointment, but oftentimes we make the biggest learning strides through the toughest lessons.

One week, I went on a business trip and Jack’s dad was in charge of taking Jack on his route. They successfully put the cans out but forgot to go the next day and put them back. We did not realize it until we were driving home the next week and saw one of his customers. We pulled over to say hi and his customer asked, “What happened last week?” As we talked, Jack and I realized the cans didn’t get put back the week while I was gone.  We explained Jack’s dad had been helping him and must have forgotten to take Jack out on Friday to put the cans back. Jack apologized and said he would work on not letting that happen again. He held it together until we drove away and then the tears came. Jack’s despair was palpable; I could not have been more proud of his reaction.

“I let them down!” he sobbed.

I used the mistake as an opportunity to reinforce the principles of responsibility. I let him feel the disappointment, and we talked about it to help reinforce his commitment to his business and keeping his word. He also used it as an opportunity to reach out to his customers.

He wrote a letter to his customers, which he included with his next invoice, explaining what had happened. His customers were, of course, as gracious as they could be.

In their gracious reactions to his mistake, there was another lesson. We talked about understanding and recognized how they had given him a gift. We vowed to be patient with the next person who disappointed us. He was learning it Own It.

The most rewarding millionaire skill and easiest to teach Jack was Give It. Since starting his business, Jack’s conversation with money had significantly changed and as a result, he was able to give. He started his business when he was nine so, by his 10th birthday; he had been making about $70 a month for about nine months. This was enough time for him to see he had the ability to make, spend, and save money.

We were in the midst of planning his birthday party and I made the suggestion he might want to do something different this year.

“You know, Jack, you still have gifts in your closet from past birthdays you’ve never even opened. This year, instead of giving you a gift, why don’t you ask people to donate money to a charity?”

Honestly, I did not expect this one to go over very well. I was amazed by Jack’s reaction.

“That’s a great idea, Mom! I want my charity to be Operation Gratitude!”

Wow.

This would never have happened the year before. Jack would have never been able to see past the toys he would not get. The very fact he could now walk into a store and buy most any toy he wanted had changed the way he thought about money–and giving. I was so proud.

He collected $595 in donations for Operation Gratitude! At the party, we had a letter-writing station so his friends could write letters to the soldiers. We collected checks and cash and sent it off to Operation Gratitude along with a letter explaining what he had done and who contributed. They sent him a certificate, which he hung on the wall in his bedroom.

It occurs to me this chapter might sound as if I am bragging about what I have done. I am not.  It is me bragging about what Jack has done. This chapter is about what he has accomplished. It is about what any kid can accomplish–given the right tools in the hands of the right person. These skills are not only for kids who have been bullied or who have low self-esteem; they are for all kids.

Most parents want their kids to be successful. This desire has driven our society to take competition to a fever pitch. Everyone is trying to find the best schools, teachers, sports teams, ballet, gymnastics, art, music–you name it. Parents are pushing their kids to be the best at everything. We have explored, exploited, and exaggerated every extracurricular activity on the planet!

In our haste to set our kids up for a wonderful life, we have forgotten to look in our own backyard–inside the four walls of our own homes. We send our kids to every expert under the sun, and forget we are the “keepers of the secret”–the secret skills to help any kid become a success at anything they desire in life.

We have an obligation–no a duty–to scribe on their souls the unflagging confidence that they can achieve anything they want. The rest of the world may try to bring them down, temper their exuberance, and clip their wings. It is our job to provide them with a place to refuel and rejuvenate; a place where it is safe to fail and where growth is encouraged. We are the ones who will provide them the tools they will take with them into life’s battles.

My desire is to help other parents discover the absolute influence we wield which shapes and molds our children’s self worth.

It was Mother Teresa who said, “I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending love letters to the world.”  We parents are pens in the hands of our children as they compose the wishes and dreams of their lives. What we do and say is written in ink.  The lessons we teach our kids are hard to erase. It takes a lot to overcome the impressions our parents leave on our souls. I, for one, want my impressions to be the most positive and inspirational messages possible.

I want Jack to Dream It, Believe It, Love It, Work It, Own It, and Give It with all the optimistic and uplifting energy he can muster!