There’s Never a Perfect Time (for Anything)
There is, most likely, a moment in each of our lives, where we realize that things are not exactly going as planned. Whether it is self-determination or destiny, we know there are several roads we can take to get to the destination, and sometimes in life we realize that the only thing holding us is back is… us, especially when we wait for the perfect time.
When I was young, my parents said I had a strange (but endearing) way of “prepping” for major life goals. I would use my birthday as “the day I will.” For example, “On my fifth birthday, I will learn to ride my bike without training wheels,” or “On my fourth birthday, I will learn to tie my shoes.” Sure enough, like clockwork, on the morning of my birthday, my parents said I’d be up at dawn, making it happen.
In a strange way, it recently all came back to me when found myself doing that again. I was determined to reach my goal of regularly publishing on LinkedIn, and found myself making a little deal with myself: “When I have over 5,000 LinkedIn connections, I will start posting my articles.” To bring you in on my little secret, I made the goal when I was at 3,000. I guess I needed a “bit” of time to prep for this one.
So here I am. I made it. And true to my word (to myself), I’m publishing. Yes, it required me to set some goals that allowed me to mentally, spiritually and physically prep for my success. Why? Because I’ve always written and published in various genres and formats, but this time, it’s different. It’s “serial” publishing. I’m committed to doing it bi-weekly at the least, and people’s comments will be welcome in a very public forum. So in my own way, I was making sure I had the time, the passion, and the dedication, therefore waiting for the right moment to spring my serial thoughts onto an unsuspecting world.
I’ve always thought of doing things at or in the right moment, but realized that more often than not, I have always looked for the elusive perfect moment. I wrote a screenplay, Chasing the Pigeon, that dealt with the concept of time, and in one of what I call one of my happy accidents, I was introduced to the word and concept of “Kairos.”
Kairos is an ancient Greek word meaning the right or opportune moment (the supreme moment). A lot of people assume this means the “perfect” moment. But if you look at this as the “supreme” moment, I have come to think of it as “your” moment. My (conventional?) thinking is that if it’s truly yours, it is as close to perfect as you will ever get. It’s yours. Own it. Otherwise, don't go kicking the dog.
In pursuing and completing any goal, there a few wrong ways of going or not going about it. There may be the insecurities and doubts, or the obsession with details that hold you back from starting or finishing. There may be the blind confidence, ignorance, and/or wild, lack of true planning and careless abandon that should be restrained if you’re going to move forward without real thought. Most people probably try to look for the in between in finding their perfect moment, because, for every reason you should mentally check yourself for not going forward, there are things you may need to check off your list to get off the couch and start moving forward.
The closest you can get to the “perfect” time is when your fear of failure and your fear of not taking the opportunity take a back seat to your need and your desire to move forward and conquer your goals and dreams. Doing it is a chore. Being it is an experience.
My father always gave me unique advice concerning time, the best being, “you have the time to (insert current BHAG here), you just don’t make the time." In my professional development books, I give specific examples, but this particular story involves the perfect time. In 2001, I proudly announced I was going to write and produce a bold, epic sung-through musical named “Cassandra.” That bold project didn’t see the light of day until 2014, 13 years later. My wife’s lucky number is 13. It follows her everywhere. Watch for that later. In 2013 (see that again?), my father told me to stop waiting for the perfect time, and I launched a Kickstarter campaign, raising over $23,000 to produce what became “Cassandra, The Musical.” This one project became a great case study for me to explain how you can avoid waiting for or recognize your perfect moment for a large, daunting project or dream. Here are a few things I learned:
Say it loud and proud.
It’s one thing to let yourself down, it’s another to let down others. Declare your intentions to the world, and you’ll have a compelling reason to complete the mission, whatever it is. It took me 13 years to produce my musical, and people were sick of hearing about it. I got so sick of them being sick of it that I was 100% compelled to act. It may be that I simply got so tired of hearing the same words come out of my mouth that I finally felt that the energy required to actually do it was less than the energy required to want it and talk about it. My passion and vision never wavered, however, and that was instrumental in me raising money for the show.
See what technology is available to you.
When I first conceived “Cassandra,” I barely used email, still had a landline phone, and wrote letters to friends. By the time I actually produced it, the right tools were accessible so that I could barely refuse the call to action. These tools included Facebook, LinkedIn, and more than any other, Kickstarter, the online crowd-funding site. It helped me to show people my vision, and Facebook and LinkedIn help me to get people to open their wallets and put people in seats. Along with everything else that seemed to converge, I realized that my perfect technological moment had come.
Investigate what is truly original about your goal/project.
This is like finding a great domain name that’s not already taken. It’s hard. Someone has inevitably thought of it and capitalized on it to varying extent. But there’s always a way to find a unique twist on an old or even a "fresh paint" idea. The more your individual voice is represented, the more compelled you’ll be to share it and pursue it. And, the more others will be compelled to listen to and to support you. Cassandra is an old story. In the myth, she lives one lifetime and is beheaded by her kidnapper's jealous wife. I just “gave” her three lifetimes to figure out how to get people to listen to her prophetic warnings that the city of Troy would burn. The more I moved forward, the more I realized the story of Cassandra was now my story, "Cassandra, The Musical," and the “tools” mentioned above gave me a (much) bigger platform to speak to those who would be willing to listen to (and invest in) my dream. If only Cassandra had LinkedIn to convince her citizens that Trojan soldiers were hiding inside the horse, maybe we’d never know the story of the Trojan Horse.
Be you. Be Your Vision.
If you can’t be yourself in your own moment, then when can you? If you can't be passionate enough to follow through with your own vision and push through your fear, how can you expect others to follow? The moment’s not right if you have to “act,” as in “act” passionate, “act” confident, “act” interested, “act” like you’re in control, etc. But yet, understand that people follow passion, not blasé. Milque Toast doesn’t sell. If you’re blasé, then you’ll need to quickly hire someone who is not. The same goes with confidence. And remember, even blind, almost stupid confidence is better than no confidence.
The universe is driving. Step out of the way.
This is your time, so you are driving on most levels. But ultimately, you are one guitar string tuned to the universe, and if you want beautiful chords, you are going to have to be in tune with the harmony that it demands. Know your roles in your moment, and delegate the rest to people who share and understand your vision. You are the one who put it out there, and in so doing gave up some control. If you literally feel you have to do everything, then it truly is the wrong moment. You're still in the bedroom with your idea, not even the living room or bootstrapping it in the proverbial garage. Put on the brakes and reassess what roles you can delegate or hand over. Otherwise, have your moment in your dreams (bedroom), which is basically inside a vacuum.
Look out for “happy accidents”
In every endeavor I have been a part of, I have had numerous happy accidents, little things that almost seem like a psychic experience, or deus ex machina, when the universe seems to interrupt and provide something special, as if to tell me, “You’re on the right track. Here’s a little push.” The night I met my wife, I had thrown an impromptu party at my house, and I grabbed her from a crowd and cajoled her into singing one of my “Cassandra” songs. Over the next five years, that song fell out of favor with various musical theater mentors, and the writer I hired to help me rewrite the lyrics to the musical liked the song and wedged it back into the lineup a week before it premiered. That song was the first song my wife sang, and in the order of the play, it was number 13. Her lucky number. Neat little accident. Just remember: the good accidents come with the bad. You must also see the not so happy setbacks – or true accidents - as “happy.” That’s how we learn. They are as much a sign post on your perfect moment highway as anything else.
Watch out for false/outdated signs.
There are always going to be signs that you should do something. And some signs that you should not. I moved to San Francisco just prior to the building boom during the dot-com bubble. Given an entry-level, very low-income job at an art school, I inexplicably had a ridiculously large office with a stunning view of the Oakland Bay Bridge. And many people made it clear they wanted to take it. I quickly exclaimed, “I know I’ll be ready to leave San Francisco and head home to NY when I lose this beautiful view.” That would be the sign.
Five years later, my band broke up. My girlfriend and I broke up. I had moved up the chain and been given the opportunity to teach and mentor one full generation of art students from freshman through graduation, and after seeing large cranes jamming giant steel pylons into the land across the street, I fully understood they were putting up a new building, thus killing my view of the Oakland Bay Bridge. I had my burning bush moment and decided to declare I was going home to NY (Broadway!) to write my epic Rock Opera. I packed up, and on my last day in that glorious city, I came in to work to say “goodbye” to my former co-workers, only to see… they were paving a parking lot, not erecting a new dot-com cathedral. It would have been better if I had just said, on my 33rd birthday, I will…
Deus ex machina. Psst! You are the God in the Machine. You are setting yourself up for divine intervention. Even unconsciously, we dig the holes and plant the poles for the mile markers in our perfect moment highway.
Don’t Just Do It, “Be” It
There is never a perfect time in life for anything. Not to have a wedding. To have children. To put on a show. To ask for money. To learn something new. Nothing. Never. A great or suggested time, however, is when you have the vision, guts, determination, and passion to truly go for it. Money, support and everything else will stem from that. That’s when it’s the perfect time for you. And with that attitude, the world will acknowledge it and go along for the ride. Live it out as if it has already happened, and it will be as if you’re just living it again, only you will be smart enough to be more appreciative this time around. When your vision is strong enough, you’ve already played it out. Enjoy the ride. It’s yours and of your making.
In the end, we’re all better off understanding there simply is no “perfect” time. Might there be - and in the dreaded hindsight “have been” - a “better” time? Perhaps. The perfect time? No. The closest you can get to the “perfect” time is when your fear of failure and your fear of not taking the opportunity take a back seat to your need and your desire to move forward and conquer your goals and dreams. Doing it is a chore. Being it is an experience.
Kairos is Plural
Your Kairos is yours and mine is mine. There's not just one, there are many. It’s the time(s) when you can’t think of doing anything else but what you’re going to do. What you need to do. To borrow and alter a creepy line from "The Exorcist," “the power of your Kairos compels you!” You are compelled to make – and take - the time to have your moment. It’s the time when you simply can’t imagine your world without it, whatever it may be. This time is as close to perfection as you’ll ever get. It’s yours. Take it.
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