~~Embrace Your Inner Critic
A Simple, 5-Step Guide to Embracing Your Inner Critic and Getting Unstuck – This Week!
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Copyright * Strong Organization, LLC.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means, mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of Strong Organization, LLC.
I dedicate this book series to my husband, Steve, and my children, Jamie, Ambir, and Josh. Who have inspired me and stood by me to see this first step in my big dream become a reality.
PREFACE
Before we get started, I just want to share a little about me. This is important in order to help you understand why this is not just another self-help / self-development book.
The information here is from my first-hand experience. It's based on things I've felt, experienced, learned, acted on – and wholeheartedly believe in.
Passion!
One thing you'll learn about passion is that it's a powerful motivator. Once you recognize your true passion – and break through the fears that are holding you back from pursuing it – you literally have no choice. You have to act.
Identifying your passion is the easy part. Without a doubt, you already know it – consciously or subconsciously. It's all that other stuff that
gets in the way – eg, self-doubt, low self-esteem, what others will think, etc. – that keep you from pursuing it.
This is mostly your inner critic talking – and it keeps many from freely pursuing their dreams, because they don't know how to deal with this internal voice.
THIS is what the information here will focus on – showing you how to recognize and stand up to your inner critic. You'll learn how to embrace it – for it really is your friend – so that you can get unstuck and on the road to pursuing your passion.
Who Can Benefit from This Info
Broadly speaking, the information here is for anyone who wants to follow a dream – whatever it is – but are afraid to do so. Specifically, this ebook is for professional women who:
(i) are unfulfilled in their current position;
(ii) want to make a career change to pursue something they love; and
(iii) struggle with the decision-making process (specifically identifying what's holding them back from pursuing their passion and how to push through it).
Why this demographic specifically? Because it's me!
With that being said, following is a little about me.
About Me
I began my adult life as an uneducated young mother; I dropped out of high school. Because of this, I did a bit of everything to make ends meet – from selling vacuums and encyclopedias, to delivering newspapers. And over the years, it seemed like the obstacles just kept piling up.
I had a car accident that left me unable to control the movement of my head and tongue. This made speaking very difficult; in essence, I had to learn how to do it all over again. Another difficult life moment occurred when one of my children was diagnosed with a mental illness as an adult due to drug use. In spite of these setbacks, I persevered.
I eventually earned a Bachelor's degree in business. I also got professionally certified as a life coach, ultimately earning six figures as a Director of Sales for an internet company.
Fast forward to 2011 . . . I was literally sitting in my living room dreaming about building a speaking, coaching and training business. I turned to my husband and metaphorically asked, "What am I waiting for?" It was truly my Forrest Gump moment.
For years, I had been waiting to live my dream; yet I was too focused on all the reasons I shouldn't follow my passion, instead of why I should. It was as if I had an epiphany. I realized that I had to choose to move forward and design the life I wanted; not wait for the time to be right for it to magically materialize.
Referencing Forrest Gump again, do you remember the scene where he had been running for years? Then, he suddenly stops and when people ask why, he says, "I'm not sure why I quit running, I just did." Well in my case, I'm not sure why I made the decision – in that moment – to pursue my passion, but I did. And by the end of that week, Strong Organization, LLC had been formed. Deep down in my gut I just knew it was the right move; that the time had come for me to chart my own path.
I hope this gives you some insight into why I know what it means to feel helpless and hopeless; to start out in the hole. I also know what it takes to dig out of that hole, find your passion and chart your own path to success.
I've taught many how to do it as well. I can show you, too. The info here is a preview of how to get started.
Shari
Email: info@strongorganization.com
I. How to Find Your Passion in Minutes
Most of us know our calling – what our life's passion is. It's usually hidden behind a "but." Let me explain.
The "Yeah But" Exercise
This is basically when you want to do something, but put up barriers as to why you shouldn't. This can be a good or bad thing. But when it comes to pursuing your passion, the phrase usually contains your dream on one side (before the "but"), and your fears on the other (after the "but").
For example, let's say you want to leave your high-paying corporate job as a financial advisor to start your own consulting business. Your "yeah but" would go something like . . .
From a moral standpoint, I don't believe in a lot of the products in the portfolios I advise clients to purchase. I'd really like to open a green investing business, but ... maybe limiting it to green investments is not smart; I'd probably have problems finding enough clients to earn a living.
See how you stated your passion in the first part, but then negated why it's not possible in the same breath – behind the "but"?
Is Your "But" Getting in the Way of Your Happiness?
Sadly, many of us live our lives on the other side of the "but" (this could be one of those unintentional puns that's almost Freudian in nature).
BUT . . . you don't have to. The information here will get you on the right side of that "but" – literally and figuratively speaking – and on the road to living the full, rich life you deserve.
Exercise: Identify Your Passion in Minutes
In order to fulfill your dreams, you must clarify exactly what they are. Following are three exercises that will help you do just that.
As I pointed out before, I believe every single person already knows their passion – whether consciously or subconsciously. Some of us have to dig deeper than others to find it, but like DNA, it's such an integral part of who we are that it's never "missing."
So never fear that you're someone without a passion. You're not. Everyone has one.
There are two exercises below. One is straightforward (Exercise #1) and for those who already know what their dream/passion is, but just haven't "claimed" it by saying it, writing it down and owning it.
The other is for those who struggle a bit and have to dig a little deeper (Exercises #2).
Exercise #1: Fill in the Blanks
If money were no object, I'd _________________.
As a child, I wanted to be a __________________.
In my spare time, I like to ___________________.
If I could start my career all over, I'd __________________.
In the world of comedy, they use a technique that allows the thinking process to build energy. When two comedians are practicing the next step would be to add, “…and then___________________.”
So, if money were no object, I would __________. And then I would ________________, and then I would ______________________________________.
While this exercise may seem very simplistic, it's very freeing, because there are no "buts" at the end. Hence your heart, your spirit, can "speak" freely without being smashed by a but.
The “…and then” allows you to start thinking in terms of possibilities.
I encourage you to really engage in this process and you could have twenty “and thens” and have an aha moment that you may never have saw coming!
Exercise #2: Remove the Limits
This exercise is for those who are stuck in some form of limits; limits that prevent them from articulating their passions as easily as outlined in Exercise #1. Speaking of limits, let's examine them for a minute.
About Self-Imposed Limits
Limits are powerful things. They rear their heads in many different ways, eg, disapproval from friends and family, low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, mental and physical fatigue, etc.
You see, much like a person who's been abused for so long that they don't recognize real love, our limits dictate a lot about us, including if we are capable of identifying – and pursuing – our passion(s).
If Exercise #1 didn't work for you, try filling in the following blanks.
If I had no one but myself to consider, I'd ______________.
If I knew my friends and family would approve, I'd ___________.
If I could afford to hire an expert to help me, I'd _________.
If I was X years younger, I'd _________________________.
See how each of these statements address some type of limit we put on ourselves, ie, I'm too old; I don't have enough experience; my friends and family will think I'm crazy; etc.?
FYI, you don't have to limit yourself to the statements outlined here. These exercises are designed to get your mind to ticking. If you find that you're still stuck trying to identify your passion, think of as many fill-in-the-blank scenarios as you can. Answer them until you hit upon something that resonates with you; or you recognize a theme.
Somewhere in these answers will be your passion – guaranteed. Now that you know what your passion is, it's time to deal with what's keeping you from pursuing it – namely, your fears.
II. How to Recognize Your Fears AND Overcome Them in 3 Easy Steps
By the time you finish the exercise on identifying your passion, you will have a pretty good idea of what your major fears are. Remember, most of them will be found on the other side of the "but." Even though buts weren't addressed in the exercises, you know what each one is as you fill in those blanks, don't you?
Most of us think of fear as a bad thing. But like every other human emotion, it's actually a necessary part of survival. In essence, fear is a protective emotion – nothing more, nothing less.
Let's examine this misunderstood emotion closer, so we can harness its power to move forward with our dreams.
What Exactly Is Fear?
In most dictionaries, fear is defined in the following manner:
An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
No wonder most of us think of it as a harmful – instead of helpful – emotion.
When looked at from a strictly medical standpoint, fear is simply a basic human response; one that is programmed into the nervous system. It's not good or bad; it just is.
Digging deeper on a psychological level, fear is a survival instinct; one we're born with. It warns and/or protects us from danger – and prepares us for dealing with it; whatever the "it" is.
Why Fear Is Your Friend, Not Your Enemy
One way to look at fear is as a yellow traffic light; it warns us to be careful. It doesn't say "stop" as a red light would, or "go" as a green light signals.
Fear is simply an emotion that says, "Proceed with caution." Nothing more. Nothing less.
Why?
Because when you're cautious about something, what are you likely to do? Slow down and examine it further, right?
Well that's all fear means when it comes to pursuing your dreams. The feelings of fear you experience as you think about pursuing your passion are urging you to take a breath and logically (as opposed to fearfully) assess the pros and cons.
Just so you know, most of the fears (the "buts") we think are holding us back have real solutions.
Are they always simple?
No.
Will they require sacrifice?
Most often.
Can they be overcome?
More often than not, yes.
How to Work through Your Fears to Start Achieving Your Dreams: 3 Steps
i) Recognize and Become Friends with Your Inner Critic:
When it comes to pursuing our passion, most of our fears are self-induced. And they come by way of our own voice – that little inner critic that lives within all of us.
So the next time you hear that voice in your head, recognize it for what it is – simply your fear warning you to proceed with caution. For example, if the voice says:
You can't quit your job and open a green investment consulting business because it's going to take too long to build up a solid client base and how will you pay your bills in the meantime.
Don't internalize this message as such. Focus on what your fears are telling you; what they're trying to protect you from. So you might internalize the message in the following manner:
It wouldn't be smart to quit my job to start this business full time until I'm earning at least half of what I earn now and have a year's worth of savings in the bank.
See how your inner voice – your fear-based voice – is really your friend?
ii) Monitor Your Thinking: You'd be amazed at how often you criticize yourself. It's an easy habit to get into, because we live in a society that dwells on perfection.
So when a negative (ie, fear-based) thought pops into your head, take note of it and replace it immediately with a positive one.
iii) Take Action: The best way to silence a critic is to prove them wrong – this is true even if the critic lives in YOUR head. One of the best ways to do this is to keep a diary of what goes on up there.
Write down your negative – and positive – thoughts. This way you can see in black and white how much your brain dwells on what you can't or shouldn't do – instead of what you can (and should) do.
You truly are what you think. And, just like exercising to get a flat stomach or studying to get a diploma, you have to train your brain to produce the results you want.
If you start monitoring your thoughts and replacing negative ones with positive ones, before long, positive thoughts are what your brain will be producing on a regular basis.
How much further do you think this will get you to achieving your goals?
Now that the most important muscle in your body – your brain – is on the same page as your dreams, let's discuss a concrete plan to get you on the road to pursuing them.
III. The "STRONG" Plan for Success
As a success coach, one of the things I've noticed over the years is this – how successful an individual is depends to a large degree on how they make decisions.
Decision-making is different for every person because it depends on a host of factors, eg, how we respond under stress; how much we're influenced by others; how confident we are; etc.
This is why I developed The 4D Success SystemTM. In my career I had taken many personality tests and loved them. They helped me with my awareness of how people saw me and what I needed to work on. The problem was my peers then had a label for me, especially if they did not have the same profile. Then, when I would grow or stretch myself to improve, I found that ideas or any attempt to be something other than what the label had me at, held me captive. I was xxx. I wanted to create a profile that focus’ on our strengths and how we work, so we aren’t worried about how to shed a label. We could connect with others based on how we work in any situation, not just a perception.
The 4D Success SystemTM
The 4D Success SystemTM is a structured, individualized plan that helps you or teams identify strengths and weaknesses. It is designed to help you overcome your weaknesses and maximize your strengths in order to achieve your goals.
Following is an overview.
The 4D’s:
1. Define It
2. Decide It
3. Design It
4. Do It
The “Do It” is NOT the hardest part. Designing a plan is not the hardest part. Deciding what to focus on, can be difficult, but…it’s because we haven’t Defined exactly what we want.
The STRONG Guide for ClarityTM helps in that process:
S: Identify your Strengths
T: Pinpoint your Talents
R: Our Real Motivation
O: Ownership of Decisions
N: Needs or Wants
G: Our Ultimate Goal
Once you know where your strengths and weaknesses lie, it's easier to make decisions grounded in reality and fact, rather than in fear-based limitations or self-deprecating beliefs.
The 4D Success SystemTM helps you bring your true talents to the forefront so that your passion shines through in all that you do.
While powerful, the information from this "lifestyle design plan" won't help you until you take one final step – which is to act. And, that brings us to the next section.
Specific Actions to Take Once You engage with Strong Success Academy
Now it's time to get specific. With the insight you gained about how you make decisions from The Strong Success Academy, complete the following exercise.
i) Segment and Grade Your Life
Write down the main areas of your life. These are Career; Primary Relationship (Partner); Health; and Family and Friends. Grade them on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being extremely unhappy and 10 being extremely happy.
Purpose: To see in black and white where you're most/least happy so you can jumpstart the self-improvement process. For example, your list might look like this:
Career: 5
Primary Relationship (Partner): 3
Health: 6
Family and Friends: 8
Just looking at this, which area of your life needs the most attention – and is quite possibly a major contributing factor to you not being able to pursue your dreams? Your primary relationship, right?
ii) Write Down Specific Goals
The key word here is specific. For example, as opposed to saying, "I want to quit my job and start an investment business," you might say:
By next April 23rd, I want to have at least a year's worth of savings in the bank so that I can quit my job and open the doors of my investment business by June 1st.
See how specific this is?
iii) Create a Timeline
Goals without timelines are just dreams. When you deal in specifics, it's easy to map out what you need to be doing on a daily, weekly and monthly basis to reach your goal.
iv) Collect Objective Data to Help You Achieve Your Goals
Objective data helps you deal with facts, instead of supposition and fear, which has a particular tendency to pop up when you're moving ahead.
Your inner critic gets louder because you're "doing something" instead of "thinking about" doing something. The best way to combat this voice is with some cold, hard data in front of you, so you remain confident as you forge ahead.
v) Create a Daily Action Plan
This will keep your goals front and center, making you less likely to procrastinate.
vi) Create a Weekly Assessment Schedule
This helps you chart your progress, week in and week out. It also keeps you excited about your progress!
Warning: There are going to be days/weeks where it seems like you took a step back and didn't achieve all you wanted. Don't be discouraged. It happens. However, if you see a continuous pattern like this, it may be time to reassess your goals and/or tweak your plan for achieving them.
The 2 Major Hurdles to Success That Stop Most in Their Tracks
Setbacks and procrastination are two of the major hurdles to success. I've confronted both in the pursuit of my dreams.
In my coaching sessions, I arm you with tools to deal with these effectively so you move forward no matter what roadblocks are thrown your way.
IV: LIVING YOUR PASSION CHECKLIST
In the dictionary, success is classified as a noun. See?
One thing those who achieve success know – if not definitively, but then intrinsically – is that success is not a noun. It's a verb.
This is an important distinction because it means you have to constantly be "doing" something (ie, taking action – the meaning of verb) in order to be successful.
So if you approach success as a series of actions that you take day in and day out – as opposed to a goal that's to be obtained "some day" – then you'll be light years ahead.
5 Positive Actions to Integrate into Your Life
Now that you realize success is a verb, treat it that way all the time. To this end, following are five actions that should become a part of your life plan to ensure that you never forget this critical distinction.
I refer to these actions as the "Living your passion checklist."
1. Seek Out Those Who Will Support Your Dreams
In short, don't share your dreams with dream killers. And this means family and friends, for sometimes they are your worst critics.
2. Change Your Inner Dialogue
Most of us are much more critical of ourselves than we realize.
So when a negative thought comes along, parse the words and use gentler language. You'll find that once you start doing this for yourself, you'll automatically apply this way of thinking to others as well.
Positivity and kindness attracts positivity and kindness. So what you put out will definitely come back to you – usually many times over.
3. Practice Patience
One really simple way to do this is to stop jumping to conclusions – about anything. It's amazing how much stress you can eliminate in your life if you learn how to become more patient.
4. Learn to Say No
Women, in particular, are more apt to take on much more than they can handle. In part, it's because we're taught from an early age to be pleasers. Trying to please, can lead to fatigue, burnout, stress and unnecessary illness.
Learning to say no is one of the most powerful actions you can take as a human being, especially when you decide to pursue your passion. It's not about being rude, nasty or selfish; it's actually a gift of love – one you give to yourself.
Saying no allows you to be a healthier, happier, more fulfilled you. This "you" is a better person to everyone in your life, eg, your partner, children, family, friends, boss, etc.
5. Embrace Your Inner Critic
Make friends – and peace – with your inner critic. The way to do this is to realize that it's there to protect, not harm or discourage, you.
If you are doing something new, your inner critic's job is to protect you from failing by making you slow down and gather concrete facts, so you can move forward in a more confident manner.
So acknowledge your inner critic; give thanks to it, knowing that it's there to help guide you in the right direction.
V. Conclusion
If any of what you've read here resonates with you, contact me for a free, 30-minute strategy session.
I've helped people all over the world take control of their lives – to design a life that suits them; one in which their professional goals are aligned with their spiritual and emotional needs. For, this is what it means to "live your best life," as Oprah is so fond of saying.
Together, we can get you there. All it takes is a simple phone call or email.
Shari
Phone: 855-742-7448
Email: info@strongorganization.com
Facebook: Facebook.com/StrongSuccessAcademy
Twitter: @STRONGdecisions
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Disclaimer: The data contained herein is general in nature and is for informative purposes only. It is based on the author's personal experience. The author, publisher and/or distributor assume no responsibility whatsoever, under any circumstances, for any actions taken as a result of the information contained herein.
